Fading Light
by sassambassador
Summary: New 52: Batman and Red Hood 20: Bruce takes Jason to the place of his death and Jason suffers through a PTSD attack. Who does he turn to? And will that person be there for him?


_Why worry about the past when it doesn't worry about you? _Jason pondered, staring at his half-finished cigarette. Memories flooded his head, making his impossible to escape his worst nightmares that came true. Damn Bruce! Dragging him to a place that _he knew _made him ache and scream and want to wrench his guts out. Why in the world would he think that it was a grand idea? Just because he came back doesn't mean he knew how, except for the fact that it was unnecessarily painful. And no one deserved a resurrection like that, not even the spawn of devil himself.

So that's the end between Jason and Bruce.

As Jason drove Bruce's car to anywhere but the site of his death, a recurrent person kept popping into his thoughts; the small beam of light amidst the dark memories. It was Tim, the person he's grown closer to these past months, especially since the whole Joker against the family conflict. Tim, the only person who didn't judge, but understood, and who listened instead of talked. He was different from Dick and Damian and Barbara, because while the three of them were stuck in their own never-ending dilemmas and lives (well, minus one little bird), Tim made it seem like he actually put time aside for Jason; like Jason mattered in his life.

So that's who Jason went to find first.

It took a little bit, considering he had to cross an ocean, before he finally ended up in the Teen Titans home base, now apparently a boat. Well, thank the mighty that Tim reminded that bat family where he can be located just in case another incident like the Joker occurs again.

As Jason slowed down his motorcycle in front of the dock, he noticed something strange, or rather a lack of something strange. There appeared to be no movement, no liveliness he would usually expect from teens. He got off his motorcycle, left his red hood on the seat, and entered the huge boat.

Jason's suspicions were right; there was no one on the boat, at least on the deck. But he really needed Tim right now, his light, and he couldn't give up.

He cautiously opened the first door he saw. Fuck, a huge hallway extending forever, with multiple doors on the sides. This would take forever.

After a while of entering random rooms (Who knew Cassie had a secret crush on Kon?) Jason just resorted to name-calling. He called out Tim and Tim and Tim and Replacement and Red Robin until he couldn't hear anything, but his voice. Then, all at once, he stopped. He stopped and listened and realized. There was no sound besides his rapid breathing and the soft hum of the engines deep below. There was no other breathing or heartbeats on this entire cruise ship. There was no one else, except for Jason Todd, that's how it always was, that's how it always will be.

How could he have been so stupid! Of course Tim had other things to do, like managing the Teen Titans and saving the world a couple times a day. Just to be sure, Jason turned on the TV in the room he was standing (looked like a living room) and turned it on to the first news channel he could think of.

Of course, Tim's face is plastered on the screen. Him and his fellow teammates are fighting, what the hell is that, a red demon? Oh, Trigon, right, that big angry guy. And there's a pile of dead human bodies that they just took a close-up on; great, as if Jason wasn't nauseous already. He turned off the TV and threw the remote on the couch, with harder force than he intended to and it bounced right off and hit the floor with a loud thud.

Of course Tim had things to do, he was the leader, he was responsible, he was everything Jason wanted and could not be. Tim was perfection and excelled at detective skills and Jason was…Jason.

Tim was saving NYC and what was Jason doing? Suffering from a mental attack. Why did he even think of Tim first? Why not Roy or Kori, his comrades who tried so hard to understand him, but never really could?

Maybe that's why. Tim didn't have to try to understand, he just did, and that's why Jason enjoyed his company, enjoyed breakfast him, and enjoyed fighting alongside with him. They just always understood each other, and with understanding, trust forms.

But trust can break as quickly as it formed.

And Jason was just so good as breaking trust bonds, wasn't he? Now that the light diminished, now what? He was left with darkness he couldn't bear to keep in his head. It was deafening, it was silent, it was painful, it was numbing, Jason was feeling too much and too little and there was no balance there was no yin and yang there was no light to equalize the dark there wasn't-

He had to get out, he had to leave.

And Jason sprinted out, ran as fast as his legs could carry. Jumped on the motorcycle and hoped the rush of cold air would cool his mind, but it didn't. He didn't just have to get out of that ship; he had to get out of his mind.

But how?

He already knew.

And that's when he turned around, and headed to the place he started; a place where beginnings and endings are made. A place where it's possible to get your body and mind wiped clean.

And if wiping his mind meant wiping away the darkness; he only hoped Tim and Roy and Kori would forgive him.

Jason hoped they would understand and trust his decision, but everyone seemed to lack understanding, and trust was only a word, since the meaning behind it was broken by a crowbar.


End file.
